Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
