Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
