I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
