You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
