I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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