i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize