he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
