I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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