final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
there is glitter all over my balls
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
