Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
