everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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