Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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