We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
