I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
