idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There r osticjed everywhere
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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