My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
