i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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