dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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