My Higher Power is John Stamos
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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