just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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