i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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