You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
