He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
