I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
