so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
