Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
