remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
