Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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