that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
