the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize