I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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