That's intense
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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