i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
