OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
