BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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