need another drink. this is the easiest way
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
