why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
