I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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