my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
