yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Never underestimate the power of titties
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
