How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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