margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
