I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
