I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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