we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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