Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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