omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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