the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
