I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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