Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
