Buhtt sex?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
