The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
