I think i peed on brittanys purse
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
