I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
