How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
