hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
