i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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