I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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