The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So much rum. So many feels.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
