they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
