i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize