you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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