He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
