If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
