this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
