I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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