I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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