who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
