Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
