you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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