I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
