So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
