Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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