Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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