took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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