Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
