Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
