There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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