They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
