did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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