i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
high people should be assigned attendants
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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